what i’ve learned

Sat, 1 Jan 2011 16:49:17 -0800

(this wasn’t meant to be a deep what i learned in 2010, written on new years. just happened to be when i had the time to write it!)

i am a very blessed person. i have an amazing family, both immediate and “in-law”. i have friends who i consider family. i have been surrounded by all these amazing people for a long time. but one day, i found myself in a new house, new town, new people. my every day life that i was used to is gone. and the big thing i’ve learned about that in the last few months, is that even though i visit my old town and friends, things change, and will never be the way they were. “everyday friends” are now “an hour or two friends”. and in the short amount of time i’m down visiting, i can’t spend the quality time with everyone that i want to. that alone has made trips down to covina increasingly emotional. i’m reminded constantly of those who i miss, the things i’m missing, and how i’m not a part of so many people’s lives anymore in that way, and they in mine.

i tried to figure out how i could try to keep things as “normal” as possible on my visits. the first few times we came down, i tried to just hang out with people, and set a time where everyone could come visit, a potluck, or dinner. that lasted a few visits. but i got the texts and calls, “hey, we can’t make it to the dinner, can we see you another time while you’re down?” and because i want to see my friends, i say yes. problem is, i say yes to too many people. i know that i am incredibly blessed to have friends who want to see us, and i don’t want anyone who reads this to think i’m singling them out, because i’m not. but i can’t keep doing trips the way i’ve been “doing” them. between the emotions of just flat out missing people, and the stress of trying to see everyone, the visits completely wear me out, and take their toll on me physically and emotionally. because, honestly, the last 2 trips down, i tried to do too much, went non-stop for 3-4 days, and completely wore myself and more importantly, wore my girls out. for the health of me and my family, it’s time for me to set boundaries for our trips.

i’ve decided that i need to stick with the “visit” time where people can come see us. if someone can’t make it, then i need to learn to just say “i’m sorry”. i can’t drive here and there and everywhere to try to see everyone and get everything in. i need to accept the fact that things have changed, and accept the few hours spent with socal friends. if we’re going to a park or something, people are welcome to join.

my friends know me well enough to know that i like to go against the grain, do things out of the box, and say that rules are for breaking ;) . so you know that if i’m actually setting rules, it must be something that’s really affected me!

i also decided that after our next scheduled trip down, i won’t come down for a while. i need to give us a break, and try to work on developing relationships up here.... but to make this post not a complete downer, i will end it on what is going on in our new town. i love love love living close to my parents. they get to see the girls more than every 6 weeks, and i can just go over and hang out. i missed being apart from them for those 4 years. we have 2 sets of neighbors who we have gotten close with. carrie lives across the street, and has a 3 year old boy, and newborn sweet little boy. kelley lives next door, and has 4 year old twin boys. ariana loves playing with “the boys”, and i’m blessed to be developing a friendship with their moms. we have started attending a sunday school class, and met a few families in the class, and a few other families through them. we don’t know the people from church very well yet, but i’m really hoping to develop relationships with them as well. i know it takes time. i’m just too darn impatient ;) it’s a weird feeling to be on the outside of a small group, and have no one really know who you are, where you’ve been, etc. but i know God is teaching me, and taking care of us during this time, and has a plan for us here.

life in the big yellow house

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 12:26:23 -0700

it’s different, it’s wonderful, it’s scary, it’s missing many, it’s new, it’s family, it’s a whole new way of life, and it’s starting to be “home”. we get asked about our new life all the time, and it’s so hard to explain everything that’s changed, how it’s changed, how i feel, etc. the house? it’s fabulous. i feel incredibly blessed and spoiled, even, to have such a beautiful big house. the novelty of the dishwasher has NOT worn off. i love having a huge kitchen, i cook more, i bake more, and then throw the dishes in the dishwasher! i love having a huge dining room, we can have the entire hudgens family (all 8 of them) over and just squish a little around the table. i love the laundry room, the fact that both my girls have their own room, my own bathroom, the floors, the attached garage (and having a place for kitty to sleep, NOT on our bed) ;) i do miss the huge yard, but this is much easier to take care of.

the neighborhood? it’s beautiful, it’s growing on me. it’s all about the neighbors. it’s not often you become so close so quickly with 2 sisters/neighbors with kiddos the same age as yours. ariana loves to go see “her boys”. i’m incredibly blessed by their friendship, and their willingness to help get me into things around town.

church? work in progress. it’s so hard to leave your church family that you were with for 20 years, where the people were like family, the ones you did life with, ate meals with at least twice a week, and just randomly called to bake, run to yogurtland, or the like. it’s hard to walk into a church and know not a soul. it’s hard to watch your old church flourish under the new pastor that you helped select during the search process that took a year of blood sweat and tears. we are going to my parents’ church right now (having tried a couple others), and starting to try out a new sunday school/small group for young families. again, it’s hard to start fresh.

parents? it’s sooo great to be near my parents. i had to remind myself for the first 2-3 months that they were there. but it’s back to “normal”, that i just stop by to say hi. we have dinners together, they watch the girls, we run errands for each other... it’s just priceless to be near mom and dad.

shopping? yeah, not so good. restaurants? same. i miss target, pf changs, houstons, and the like. i do like all the farmers markets and fresh, organic produce that’s so easily accessible though.

the hardest part for me has been leaving the dear friends that i have grown so close to over the past few years. i miss the day to day life that i had. i miss watching ariana with her girl friends (she hasn’t found a close girl friend yet, it’s all boys up here!) i miss watching her do life with the ALLL kiddos and other little ones who she’s known since birth, and i feel bad that that’s gone for her, and that kara won’t have that. and it’s completely selfish, but i hate watching life go on without me. my lowest point was one sunday after dave left to go on a work trip, my parents were gone, and it was just me and the girls. i had never felt so alone before (and i’m someone who needs my alone time). it was the only time i really wondered if we had made the right decision moving up here. didn’t help that i decided to go to the santa maria mall (and ya’ll know i’m not a huge mall shopper), just to have something feel like normal. mistake- apparently half the stores had closed their doors, it was ghetto (not by LA standards), but it was desolate, and made me feel worse than before. it was the only time since the night we drove up here that i let ariana see me really cry.

you have to realize though, i’m a hard sell on anything that involves change. change for me includes stomach aches, stress, and just flat out denial for a while. so i’d say considering that, i’m doing pretty good ;) the central coast is a beautiful place to live, we are 5 minutes from the beach, we love the fog, the sun, the weather, the lack of traffic, and family.

10 months

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 15:09:29 -0700

kara grace, you are growing up too fast. all of a sudden you’re all over the house, cruising everywhere, crawling where you can’t hold onto something, eating everything you can reach, and yapping all the time. i love you, my sweet little lady!

green or God?

Sun, 19 Sep 2010 14:08:24 -0700

so i was thinking the other day about how people know i’m “green”, all the cloth stuff i use, from the way i live, to the things i post, promote, etc. made me wonder, do i promote God in the same way? will someone i meet know i love God within our first few conversations, or will they just know i cloth diaper? i mean, topics like “oh yeah, i go to this church” come up, but lots of people just go to church, because it’s “what you do” on sunday. but does my relationship with Him, my trust, my faith, does that come out in everyday conversation?

getting back to “normal”, whatever that is...

Mon, 6 Sep 2010 14:36:14 -0700

after 17 families/groups of visitors in a period of 2 months, the house is ours. we can walk around in our underwear now if we want to. ;) don’t get me wrong, i loved seeing so many friends and having them stay with us. i really do. i should have just thought through a little better the whole “25 days of guests in the month of august” thing. the weird part about having so much company during this time was it made our move seem surreal. it’s felt like we were on vacation the last 6 weeks. i’d have a day or three to start back into a routine of preschool, gymnastics, getting to know our neighbors, and then back to “vacation” mode. but seriously- how blessed are we, that so many people would even WANT to come up, drive 3+ hours to come see us? it blows my mind that we have such amazing friends.

so what am i looking forward to in this quest for normal? well, for starters, we haven’t seen my parents as much as i’d like to. we moved up to be close to them, yet with all the visitors, we haven’t seen them too often lately! time to get back to the old fashioned “sunday lunch after church” family time, random mid-week dinners, etc. i’m looking forward to getting to know our neighbors better, so far, i feel like we’ve really clicked... though i think “ari’s boys” still don’t know quite what to make of her. i’m ready to get the house really “finished”, in the decorating/making it feel like home department. we have 2 pieces of crown moulding hung in the dining room, and that’s it. and believe it or not, i’m am looking forward to more visits in the future.... maybe just 1-2 weeks apart, instead of 1-2 days!